Do I actually want to meet authors? I have met exactly one, and while that was cool, it seems to me that the potential for disappointment is pretty high. What if they are a jerk? Would I be able to read their books again? It is the same reason that I am still questioning whether or not I want to follow them on Twitter. Do I want to think of the author as a real person? Not always. Sometimes, I just want them to be a name. No disappointment that way.
But let's assume that they are who I think that they are and that I would be able to maintain some degree of dignity (yeeeeeaaaaaaaaah, probably not. When participating in neediness I have no chill) here are ten authors I would like to hang with and also the mental scenario in which I have placed them. Reality has no place in my world.
He is way too cool for me to hang out with in real life. He is almost too cool for me to follow on Twitter. However, if we pretend that I would be cool... I would want to hang out in Brooklyn and discuss things using casual profanity while surrounded by hipsters. For purposes of this scenario I have learned to smoke imported cigarettes (no I haven't. I am still that person who coughs at the slightest whiff of them. Sorry, smokers! I swear I am not judgy!)
We would bond over nerdiness. All the nerdiness. I would bring up the Babysitter's Club or something that then we would discuss our deep appreciation for the description of fashion in the books. I have no idea if she even read the books, but she does in my head and has strong feelings about them. We would have ice cream.
We would shop for beauty products in South Korea because she understands the importance of a suitcaseful of serum and moisturizer. She would also be able to explain the Korean 10 step beauty routine to me so that I finally understand it. I would make her cookies. Buttercreams because that is how all true friendships form.
I don't know what we would talk about but I would want to know the story behind this .gif. Because you know that there is one. I would also beg her to describe whatever we are surrounded by.
She is an introvert (I heard her say so on Twitter) so we would ghost from an oppressive party to a quiet bar where we would slowly get super drunk while having an in-depth conversation about pretty much anything.
She would be at my school, and we would discuss diversity and the need for a wider international understanding of it. 'Cause she gets it. (Others do too of course, but I want her!) I would take her to the purple crispy rice dumpling place.
She and I would have a discussion of modern feminism, and it's historical roots. We would watch "Iron Jawed Angels" at my place and order pizza.
We would, of course, be at The Elephant House. There would be Scottish desserts, and she would confirm all my head cannon. I want to know that the reasoning in my head behind Harry/Ginny is correct, dammit! It is possible I would talk to her about something other than Harry Potter, but I know myself and the conversation would keep returning to it.
Another one where I would just want to talk about his books but he would be cool enough to show me around Nashville, and then we would go to Cracker Barrel. I haven't been, but I feel as if it is an essential Tennessee experience. We would discuss overcoming southern stereotypes.
I don't like her books. Well, book because I only read Red Queen. But, shhhhh! I still want to hang out with her and watch her crush political opponents with logic and a pithy phrase. I would be the person who stands slightly behind her to one side and occasionally yells, "Yeah!" and "That's right!"